Dream Big, Live Bigger

I have always been a great dreamer. For my family and I guess also for everybody else, I was the one with the big ideas. But people don’t usually believe in your dreams until you realize them. There were sixteen years between little me declaring that as an adult I was going to move abroad and adult me really moving to Istanbul. But since then it has taken me far less time to make my dreams a reality. It has become more like a habit, and thus much easier. Actually, buying my car took probably the longest in years. I considered getting one since last summer.

But I don’t necessarily mean fulfilling buying desires. Of course it is rather easy for me to buy many things I want immediately. The car for instance means much more to me than being a status symbol (also, it is probably too old and too cheap for this). To me it stands for freedom, adventures, and for time saving, too. And it is linked to another chain of dreams and their achievement. Like I plan to drive to the Niagara Falls in summer, which have been on my travel bucket list for ages. Once I’ll be there, I also want to visit American friends in Upstate New York and go to Toronto.

Unfortunately, I sometimes lose track. This last winter is a sad example. I was sick all the time, and if I wasn’t sick, I felt like I was almost only working. So I felt stressed and fell sick again. I was grumpy for most of the time, which didn’t help either. It might be easier to blame it on a huge workload, on a non-cleaning roommate, on the terrible weather, on dating the wrong guy, etc., but that doesn’t solve anything. I know that many things added up for me to feel low, but I was also always aware that only I can pull myself up. I figured it’s okay to not always be at my best, but I must know my next steps. Some days I was glad to only get up, do my work, and go to sleep early. On others I started to look for a new roommate – and it was hard this year and took me almost two months to find one. But he is moving in tomorrow, and I think it’ll work out fine this time. I also managed to achieve some changes for me next school year, which I am so happy about that I think I’ll approach my workload in a much more motivated and structured way. Last, but not least I took the time and went to different doctors to find out why I was getting sick so often (it looks like an allergy). The more of these tasks I managed, the better I felt.

It is funny how at one point nothing seemed to work out at all – and then suddenly everything fell into place at once. This month I ended up with a new roommate, two great weekends more or less away from home, my car, much more free time, more energy. I’ve even got the capacity to think about future plans like for my summer vacation. Right now I can’t wait to make more of my dreams come true. After this long winter, it suddenly seems so easy.

At least I’ve learned some things:

  1. Sometimes it really is okay to only get the minimum done.
  2. Take care of your health. When you feel good, everything is easier.
  3. When you feel stuck, go away on weekends. Discover new places, different environments.
  4. Communicate because your friends want to help you.
  5. Make lists you can work off. Also, they help you to not forgot anything and to work in a more organized way.
  6. Do the thing you are most scared of first because 1) you’ll feel so relieved afterwards that you’ll do the other tasks really fast, and 2) most of the time this fear is only a product of overthinking.
  7. Sit down and look at what you can change fast, e.g. move into another apartment or find a new roommate.
  8. Anticipation is the best. So plan your annual leaves and start booking a few trips. Or organize your major purchase.
  9. Obviously, never give up. Take a break, but then continue to be the amazing badass you are.

trench coat: American Apparel
sweater: Wild Kiss
sun glasses: Primark
jeans: Mavi
sneakers: Adidas

© janavar


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