I have now been pregnant for officially 10 months. Or 40 weeks. It feels like a long time and no time at all. I still remember taking the pregnancy test. In a public restroom in Penn Station when I had time. I just had an inkling of being pregnant. And now we are on the threshold of parenthood.
Now, so many months later after the pregnancy test, the tiny cluster of cells has grown into an actual human. Our little girl is pretty ready to be born. To be honest, I am also ready. I have had the worst reflux this week, and I hope to eventually have my old, well trained bladder back. Neither would I mind to be able to close shoes with laces or zippers again. Velcro is fine, but not very exciting.
Recently, I feel that everybody and their mother (including neighbors I never met before) asks me if I am anxious and nervous about becoming a mother. Then everybody seems surprised when I say no. And I am actually not anxious or nervous. The birth itself is out of my control since the baby decided to remain in breech. But I am sure the doctors will make sure she comes out somehow. Granted, I am nervous about the C-section, but more from a selfish point of view because my body has always healed wounds badly.
I am very calm when it comes to everything else. Will we breast-feed? I don’t know. That will depend on both of us. If not, Rich and I will just feed her formula. I am sure we will not sleep as much, but we will give her as much love as we can. My actual hopes are that we don’t drop her or that clumsy me accidentally hits her against a wall or door frame.
When I grew up there weren’t any babies around, esp. after the Wall had come down. So I have never changed a diaper in my life. I haven’t held a tiny baby. But I am confident that I will be fine and learn all the important things quickly. Also, I am lucky that Rich gets several weeks of paid paternity leave. Something that is not taken for granted in the U.S. at all. In a country that hardly has any maternity protection. But we got lucky and his employer has great regulations in place.
Then, of course, we also have Arti and Lotti, our cat babies. I am curious to see how they will interact with the human baby. So far it seems that Lotti has always assumed she was the baby. Both of them have conquered the pram, the car seat and the basket under the bassinet. It will be interesting to see how they react once they realize that all those things are not actually for them. On the other hand, I believe the cats will be fine. They have each other and us. Also, I consider it absolutely positive that they have survived with us. Canavar after all even stayed 9 years with me, before he died of cancer.
I am sure we will make plenty of mistakes as parents. Like I don’t mind the cats sitting on the table during meals (as long as Arti doesn’t try to lick the butter off of my bread). But we also did everything we could when Arti had a heart infection last year. So I only start to imagine what we will do for our child. I think we are absolutely ready for her and for being parents. And that is a wonderful feeling.
So yes, I am curiously and relaxedly looking forward to our parenthood. I am excited about meeting our girl and seeing her grow (up). I am also sure we will hit many obstacles on the way, but I am confident that we will be able to deal with them. It will be one new great adventure.